Not the flyest thing on the beach.

So my clothes have suddenly become very tight.

I have managed to narrow it down to one of 2 things:

·         My clothes have shrunk in the wash

·         I have been eating cake for breakfast

I am slightly more inclined to go with door number 1. Just because it means I can live in denial for a bit longer and can still have my cake and eat it.

Along with looking like a sausage squished into backpacker poo-green quick-dry casing I would also like you to picture the following please:

1. I have a moustache.
2. My leg hair is so long it will need to be removed with the aid of a hairdresser’s clippers. And possibly a blow torch.
3. I have a slight monobrow.
4. I can’t remember when I last brushed my hair.
5. I don't know where my hair brush is.
6. I have a rash on my left upper arm.
7. And I don’t know how it happened but I have pretty much lost the toenail on my right big toe.

I have heard on more than one occasion that it is highly possible I might meet my future husband during my travels. It’s just there hasn’t been much interest yet.

AND I CAN’T THINK FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHY.